Till It Tastes Sweet
by Just Kate
Summary: COMPLETED x I sat down next to him. “Take it from someone who knows,” I said, taking his scissors away. “This is not the way to deal.” x WARNING Crellie. Rated T for minor lanuage and thematic elements such as cutting, bipolar, etc.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi…nope, all the credit goes to the Canadians**

**Chapter One**

I never quite got over Sean. I mean, he was the one guy that I truly ever loved. Sure, I "dated" Marco and crap like that, but it wasn't like my relationship with Sean. That relationship was deep. I trusted him, he trusted me. It was perfect. Until he left.

Then I got stuck with the freaking rent trying to fend for myself in this little dump of an apartment while everyone's moving on, changing. And it was just me. Alone. Little old Ellie. The misfit, the looser, the goth. Not to ever be loved by anyone, right? Well, except Sean of course.

People always label me. Or even worse they judge me. They take on look at the dark eyeliner and clothing and they automatically assume that I'm some kind of freak. That I'm incapable of being a kind, sweet person, that I'm cold and can never love.

Sean didn't judge me. Of course, that was probably because he was like me. People feared Sean; and when they didn't fear him, they hated him. See, he was a troublemaker. He stole things. Me, I could careless, because along with stealing Snake's laptop, he also stole my heart.

The feeling knowing that someone loves you is indescribable. I can't even begin to put words to it, it's just, incredible. When I was with Sean, I felt loved and cared for. I was the happiest I had even been.

But like every good thing in my life it had to just be taken away. Stupid shooting, Degrassi would be so much better if it never happen. If Rick never happened. But it did. And we're all stuck like this, upset and changed forever.

You can see the difference in everyone. Jimmy of course, became paralyzed, Hazel, being so shallow, can't look at her boyfriend the same anymore, Emma went psycho and went down on Jay, and Mr. Radditch completely dropped of the face of the earth. But it affected Sean the most, he just couldn't stand playing the "hero." So he abandoned all his friends and most importantly me and left Degrassi completely. So much for loving Ellie right?

The night that Sean left, I didn't sleep. Not at all. My eyes stayed open and I lied in the empty apartment staring at the ceiling. God, I hated him that night. I couldn't believe he left me. I loved him, wasn't that enough to make him stay? But no he had to go back home to his parents and leave me alone and back where I had started from before he left.

**Authors Note: Read and Review please.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Do I need to remind you again that I don't own Degrassi?**

**Chapter Two:**

I only cut myself once after Sean left, the night he had gone. Like I had done so many times before, I pulled out my CD case, turned it to the fourth page and took out that stupid compass. Who knew math tools could be so handy?

At first I just stared at it. It had been almost eight months since that last time I had cut, I wasn't quite sure if I wanted to return to that place again. That hurt, broken place where the only way I could escape was the scratch up my arm. During that time, that dumb compass became two things, my worst nightmare, and my best friend. I depended on it, I was addicted to it. And I hated. People thought that I like to cut myself, but let me tell you, it sucked. Badly.

I ran my finger down the smooth, cold metal and sighed. _Well if you really gotta do this El,_ I thought to myself. So I closed my eyes and put one quick gash in my arm.

But unlike the many times before, the times where I felt relieved after I did this, I only felt worse. It didn't help at all. No adrenaline rush, no overwhelming comfort, nothing. Because it was then that I realized that all the self-inflicted pain in the world could never hurt as bad as the breaking of my heart.

**Authors Note: Read and Review please.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: And I still don't own Degrassi**

**Chapter Three:**

The rest of the year just followed in a blur. One big confusing blur. I don't think I would have made it through if it wasn't for Marco. God, Marco is an angel, I don't know what I'd do with out him. He was my best friend, my shoulder to cry one, and always there when I needed him most.

And I was there for him too. After his sucky breakup with Dylan, the roles reversed and I was there for him. I told him he could do better than Dylan, that there was someone better out there who was perfect for him. I sighed and we laughed about the good old days back in 9th grade, before Sean, before Dylan, when it was just us. Marco and Ellie, the dynamic duo. Hah, we were unstoppable.

Jeesh, I had the most pathetic crush on Marco. But who could blame me? Marco just, well, Marco just rocks. He's the sweetest person I know, he's my life support, my door to the world.

So naturally it was Marco who took me in after my mom started to do horrible again. I can't believe that I trusted her. She didn't change; she never will. Moving back in with her was a horrible mistake. Living life with Marco, Papa, and Mama Del Rossi was so much better for me. Plus, Mama cooked the best damn eggplant parmesan I ever ate.

But then Ashley left, no she had to just "go to England and leave other best friend Ellie behind." Oh, that was tons of fun for me. But I know as hurting as it was for me, it was ten times worse for Craig. Craig was feeling the same way I did when Sean left, like crap. He went crazy for a bit, ended up homeless and junk… But hey after all, he is bipolar. Hah, I find it hilarious how Ashley could have such a screwed up best friend and boy friend. It's pretty funny actually.

Senior year started a little better. Sure, Ash was gone which sucked, but hey, maybe going to England was good for her. Maybe she'll be happier there than she was in Degrassi. And I still had Marco and Alex and stuff, right? Paige and me actually tolerated each other for once in out lives because with Marco comes a whole bunch of people who love him, and Paige being his other good friend, I had to become all buddy-buddy with "Miss Cheerleader" too. Ech, don't get me wrong, I still don't like her much and you won't be seeing me in a cheerleading skirt anytime soon, but at least we aren't at each others throats anymore, no she has Manny for that. But apart from all my sudden happiness, I still couldn't help but feel sorry for Craig. After all, I knew what he was going through. Which was odd, because if this had happened two year ago after he slept with that slut Manny, I couldn't of cared less.

**Authors Note: Read and Review please.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: Though I wish I owned it, I don't.**

**Chapter Four:**

Plopping down at our usually table outside, I glanced over and wondered where in the world Marco was. I sighed, took out my sandwich and ate.

But then Craig caught my eye. Not in a loving romance kind of way, more in a "what the hell is he doing way." I mean, the looser sat there with a pair of safety scissors he had obviously stolen from some seventh grader rubbing them at his wrist with his eyes closed, flinching in fear. I couldn't help but laugh at this pathetic attempt of trying to cut himself; yeah, I know I'm horrible but it was funny. After all, the worst safety scissors could do was give you some little white scratches on your arms, real painful right? But from the look on his face you'd expect him to collapse at any given moment from excruciating pain. Yet at the same time, through all his stupidity, I couldn't of found him more adorable.

I sat down next to him. "Take it from someone who knows," I said, taking his scissors away. "This is not the way to deal."

He looked at me for a bit before finally saying, "I know, I know. Especially not with safety scissors right? Hmph. I-I'm crazy El, Ash just really knew how to screw me up ya know? Did you know, that when she left, Ellie, I wanted to run away? Run away from all my pathetic problems, escape it all. Didn't help that I hadn't taken my pills of course, but who needs those things anyways. What's the best they can do? Make me happy for a few minutes, maybe forget my problems until its morning again and I have to down another. Yeah, right. But, forget her anyways. Besides maybe I'm better off with out her. She always wanted to play nurse. "Did you take your meds, Craig? Did you take your meds?" Like I'm some kind of four year old who can't even-"

And I just looked at him, my head slanted to the side, nodding, nodding. Man, Craig can talk. He can just ramble on and on with out even truly saying anything. And that, that's a true skill.

**Authors Note: Read and Review please.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I can't take credit for the brilliant idea that is Degrassi.**

**Chapter Five:**

From that moment, Craig and I kinda bonded a bit. I mean, he had always been my friend, but that was because Ash and him we're attached the hip. Kinda like at a super market where you buy double the toilet paper because you get half of it free. Sale in the Friend's aisle! Buy one Ash, get a Craig for free!

But as crazy as it sounds, we had a lot in common. Not only were both of us insane, but we also really could have cared less what people thought of us. Yet, even with my newfound friendship with Craig, I couldn't help but still taste the bitterness that my break up with Sean left in my mouth. I'd do anything just to get that bitter taste gone, do get Sean back.

I'm pathetic really, a year later and I'm still missing him. Knowing him he's probably off in Wasaga, enjoying himself and reconnecting with his parents while I'm stuck here, at Degrassi, missing him. 

But why was I still all hung up over him, why couldn't I just move on? Sure, I love him, but now-a-days people marry and divorce and find new love so fast that you set a clock to it. So why couldn't I move on, fall in love all over again, only with some guy who wouldn't leave me?

But now that sounds conceited. Sean, he went through a lot. Rick could have killed him. I mean, if it had happened to me I would have been screwed up worse than he was. And I guess it was kind of my fault too, I couldn't help him. I had no idea what he was going through or how to help, come on, normally I'm the one that needs the comforting, and how would I know how to help him, right? But it's not anyone's fault…I'm just trying to place some blame I guess, because I still missed him.

I confided all of this confusion in Craig one night while we were watching some French movie with Marco and Paige. He told me, in his normal whimsical Craig-ish way, "Yeah. I know what you mean. Love just screws us over. Especially us, it's just out to get us. Which is not fair cause, what did we do?"

I laughed and put my head on his shoulder. I laughed a lot with Craig, which was good, because I could really use a laugh every now and then.

**Authors Note: Read and Review please.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: Must I say I do not own it?**

**Chapter Six:**

"So," I remember Marco saying after Craig and Paige had left. "Craig. You. Spill."

I rolled my eyes. "There's nothing to tell. He's my friend." 

"El, you can't lie to me. Because you're a horrible liar. I can so totally tell something is up…Come on," Marco looked at me, waiting for a response. I knew that he just completely wanted me to confess my undying love for Craig and be happy and in love again. Yeah right. As if it were that simple and easy.

But being his normal self, all Marco could do was ramble and keep telling me how fantastic being with Craig would be. All he could do was say, "I could completely see it. You and Craig, perfect. El, he could be great for you," and that kind of thing. And he was thoroughly enjoying the possibility of being Mr. Match Maker Extraordinaire until I pointed out that there's no way that Craig could be great for me if I'm not interested in him.

He finally gave up, well, at least for the night. And I wasn't surprised. Marco isn't that much of a arguer, he's to sweet with people. Me, I always win, because I can defend my point and nail it right into the ground. That and I don't think or care about the other person's point like Marco does. Yup, whenever me and Marco argue, I always win, which is because I'm always right. Sure he wins on occasion, but this wasn't one of them. Me, Craig? No way. I wasn't about to be another one of Craig's puppets to be pushed around and stepped on. Nope, I'm way too strong for that.

**Authors Note: Read and Review please. Chapter Seven should be up within the next day or so.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Once again, Degrassi is not mine. This story, however, is.**

**Chapter Seven:**

Everyone has weakness. Me, I have two. Sensitive guys who play guitars and cookie dough ice cream. So naturally when Craig showed up at my door two months later, eyes all teary with a guitar in his hand, I couldn't help feel a little attracted.

Marco and the Del Rossi's had left for the weekend, a family bonding without Ellie sort of thing. So when Craig showed up I had no clue what to do. At all. He'd had most likely come to seek Marco's comforting advice, something I was horrible at giving. 

"Craig…what's wrong?" I had asked him, not really knowing what else to say.

So he told me his story, in between long drawn out sobs. I didn't really catch the whole thing, all that I knew that he had gotten into a fight with Joey over him being "crazy" and that he had already used a whole box of the Del Rossi's cleanex in ten minutes. 

"Your, your not crazy Craig. You can't help this. I'm sure Joey didn't mean it," I had said, looking at Craig. He was a mess, a completely and total mess. His eyes were bloodshot and his lips were chapped from crying. He looked miserable. I know what it's like to miserable and to have hit rock bottom. Trust me, it's not fun. 

"Listen," I said. "I know what your feeling. Maybe not for the exact reason, but I know what its like to feel different. But hell, it's never stopped me. So it shouldn't stop you. Craig, you rock. People who don't see that and just see you as a bipolar freak and stupid and aren't worth your time of day. But Joey's not one of them, he cares about you. He's just worried. I know it."

Craig looked at me with his big brown eyes. God, he looked gorgeous. "Thanks El," he said. Slowly he stopped crying and we just sort of sat there. I didn't know what to do. After all, I'd helped him; I kind of expected he would just leave after that, no stick around for tea and cookies.

People get weird when they're emotional, that's why when Craig put his arm around me when we were sitting on the couch I didn't bother to move it. Instead, I sorta of snuggled up into him. I really had no clue what I was doing, but it seemed right.  
I looked up at him and he looked down at me. "You get me El," he said.

"Yeah, I think I do. And you get me."

Craig nodded.

"We're both insane."

I laughed, "Yeah, we both are."

He looked into my eyes and out of nowhere he kissed me. Not passionately, or intensely, just gently. But it was amazing, because suddenly all the bitterness that had stayed with me since Sean left had gone and became sweet. I smiled and cuddled back into his arm. 

I didn't know how things were going to turn out when that happened. And I still don't know. And if you honestly want the truth, I don't want to know. Because I'd rather live my life the way it is now, happy and in love. In love, that is, with Craig Manning.

End.

**Authors Note: Read and Review. There you have it, Till It Tastes Sweet in its entirety. I'm actually quite proud of myself for this one, it the longest ff I've written….most of my others are just one shots or two chapter deals. If I feel inspired I might do a sequel. **


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